Eye of the tiger. Hand of the novice.

Happy November friends!

Now that daylight savings has occurred, we’re officially into “Oh shit. It’s about to get cold up in here!” season.

I know you pumpkin lovers get all the feels in the fall, but as a someone who finds any temp below 75°F to be a bit chilly, fall just seems like one big prelude to the time of year when I’m convinced that hell must be one long winter.

To help ease this transition, Pete and I threw our semi-annual pumpkin carving party the week before Halloween. It’s always a fun excuse to have friends over before the holiday hubbub begins. We also strongly encourage costumes, as we love dressing up each year. I have to say that I was very proud of this year’s costumes – Left Shark and Katy Perry. (For those of you not familiar with the reference, here’s the video clip.)

Why is my husband dressed as Katy Perry? Because it’s Halloween. That’s why. If I had dressed like Katy, it would’ve been cute. But we don’t do cute. We do ridiculous.

I am not usually the homemade costume maker type person. But once I knew what we wanted to be, I could not find a single Super Bowl Katy Perry costume. There were “cupcake tits Katy” and “Roar Katy,” no Super Bowl Katy. Which is weird because shark costumes were sold out all over the place. I’m guessing Sharknado was the hit this year?

Since I couldn’t buy my way out of this situation, I ended up getting a white bustier (I loved tried to figure out my husband’s bust size) and skater skirt from Amazon. Then I went to the craft store for fabric, trim – and since I do not sew – some fabric glue. I don’t sew because I don’t want to, but because every time I think about trying, I end up pouring myself a cocktail instead. Weird.

The bustier and skater skirt arrived on Thursday. Our party was on Friday. Like a reasonable person, I waited until Friday to begin making the costume. How hard can gluing some fabric be?

We all know where this is going…

What I didn’t consider is that first I had to cut the satin fabric I chose, and I don’t own fabric scissors. Instead, I used the kitchen drawer scissors that chopped up that poor fabric into a mangled mess. It looked like I had been on a drunken bender before I started. “But you have trim,” I told myself. Thank goodness that Perry’s costume designer added trim between colors.

Since I’m obviously not a seamstress, I then totally freaked out trying to figure out how to cut the fabric for an A-line skirt. Lines don’t just go up and down! Say what?! I realize how painfully obvious this is, especially since I’m a serious Project Runway fan. But I really didn’t think about it until that moment. So, I eyeballed it. After a drink. Or two. “It’s ok. I have trim.”

Then I moved onto the bustier. The lines were a bit easier because the torso had boning which provided me with clear outlines. But the cups. Oh dear. They weren’t perfect circles. If the diameter of the cup is 8 inches, and the cup is a size D, at what angle do I make this triangle??? Why is this not on google?! Is this why I should have paid attention in geometry??? Where’d my drink go????????

I drew a circle the size of the cups on a piece of paper and then drew the lines, extending them out to account for the protrusion of the cups. I traced them onto the fabric. And then I started cutting again. Jebus. The triangles looked more like whatever shape my dogs’ toys have after being gnawed on. I looked at my photo of Katy Perry as a reference. “Good. There’s more trim.”

cups

While I royally messed up measuring and cutting the fabric, the trim I bought WAS a good idea. It was actually a wrap of several rows of sequins, which I just had to cut to the right number of rows and then length. It saved me so much time! I originally thought that I was going to hand glue each sequin. Bwahahahahahaha! The delusional world I live in.

Since the project that I allotted about an hour for took more like 3 hours, I could literally hear our first guests parking as I glued the last piece of trim on. I imagined that it was like being on Project Runway if Tim Gunn were my judgey dog, Daisy, and the prize was not burning my fingerprints off.

It turned out quite well. However, being the perfectionist I am, I hated that I didn’t have time to finish the waistband and the halter top. So, on Halloween, I brought back out my supplies to finish the job.

katyperrycostume2

I was pleased with myself until I heard him try on the skirt.

“It doesn’t fit.”
“What do you mean that it doesn’t fit?”
“It won’t go above my knees”
“Whaaaaat? The waistband is elastic…. oh crap.”

In true novice fashion, I didn’t account for give when putting on the blue fabric over the existing waistband.

Again, I whispered to myself, “Make it work.” and cut out the seams on the side to wiggle him in before the trick-or-treaters reached our doorstep. After a few encouraging words like, “Suck in your butt cheeks! Stop complaining; I do this everyday!”, he was in it.

Most of the older kids and the parents that watch football got the reference. Others just told their kids to grab their candy and run. Either way, Katy and I enjoyed our Halloween, and I learned some valuable “sewing” skills.

Celebrating a successful night of trick-or-treating.

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