I’m a yinzer with champagne wishes and caviar dreams… and a taste for corned beef and vodka. I hate the idealization of the 1950s housewife, but love her clothes. Running is the way I handle my problems. Well, that and a glass of wine… or a cupcake (I’ve had both for dinner before). I hate three things – onions, basketball and carnations. I met the love of my life in a dirty old dive bar, and he turned out to be the best alcohol-induced decision I have ever made.

You know those really embarrassing things that happen to you when you’re trying to be the most put together? Like knocking over a display when walking into a seminar, or having your dog eat and vomit a dozen gourmet cupcakes all over your couch an hour before a party, or crapping your pants while running only a few blocks from your house? Yeah, those things seem to happen to me daily. And as much as I try to pull it all together and be the chic woman I see in my head each morning, I can’t escape the hot mess.

I used to think these things only happened to me, but I am beginning to realize everyone else is simply trying to control the chaos as well. I started writing this blog to share the ridiculousness of life because therapy is expensive and there’s no safer way to express your feelings of insecurity and unworthiness than in front of an audience of anonymous, critical Internet folk.

Life is absolutely unpredictable and has already taken me to places I never thought I would or wanted to go. But I sincerely believe that taking a step back and having a laugh can get me through most situations.

I  have two adorable dogs, Daisy Marie and Maximilian Beauregard, with larger-than-life personalities. Daisy is a 6 year old beagle/terrier mix with the personality of a 40-year old stockbroker originally from Brooklyn. She’s one tough bitch. She only does things on her terms. She also can catch a ball like no matter how heavy or how far you throw it.

Max is my Southern gentleman. He’s a five year old lab mix who loves to love. He’s not that bright and can’t learn to catch to save his life; but what he lacks in brains, he makes up for with those big puppy eyes.